The Legend of Pandaman
by SecretAnswers
Summary: The Revolutionary Army's Intelligence Division is among the most dangerous and notorious in the world. The marines know next to nothing about them. However, there are those who claim to know their secret, but are written off as mad, as insane! Despite this, there is one thing that they maintain: The Pandaman is no joke!


**Hi! So, I really enjoyed writing this and thought: "Hey! Why not upload it?!". Some of the chronology and details do not totally make sense and I've take a few creative liberties, so be warned on that account. Sorry about any typos and whatnot, if you spy any, let me know and I can fix it :) I hope you enjoy reading this! :P**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN ONE PIECE!**

Brannew was onto something, he could feel it. He had stumbled upon a shocking truth that had eluded the Marine forces for ten long years, and today he would bring it to light. It would be the pinnacle of his career.

He wondered if he would be promoted? "Rear Admiral Brannew!". Yes, that had a nice ring to it. He could picture it now: those smug higher-ups all bowing down to him in awe, eyes shining in admiration. And then the Fleet Admiral would clap him on the shoulder, saying "Good work Brannew!" and look at him with unconcealed respect...

Yeah. He liked the sound of that...

He was abruptly snapped out of his fantasy by someone clearing their throat unnecessarily loudly. The Commander blinked at the two full rows of high ranking marines in front of him. He could have sworn they hadn't been there a moment ago.

He stood up straighter and steeled himself. Adjusting his shades he prepared himself to pitch the bounty of a lifetime.

"Gentlemen," he began briskly, "as you well know, over the past ten years the Revolutionary Army has developed the most dangerous and infamous intelligence unit in the Grand-line. So slippery and fleet-of-foot that we have been unable to get anything on them. Until now." Thats right Brannew, reel them in, reel them in. "A combination of eye witness statements and photographic evidence has enabled me to connect the dots and discover the identity of one of their leading spies."

"Gentlemen, I present to you," he slapped a grainy, enlarged photograph of a man wearing a panda mask on the display board and struck his most dramatic pose, "The Pandaman!"

Silence. He maintained his pose.

Someone sniggered, prompting the marines to erupt into a chorus of raucous laughter. Even the most serious officers managed a chuckle or a smile (Not Akainu though. Akainu just growled).

Sengoku sigh and began to massage his temples. He could feel another migraine coming on.

"You had better have some real evidence, Brannew."

"...", Brannew was struck dumb, gaping at the amused and aggravated marines.

"Brannew!" barked Akainu, snapping him out of his trance.

"Yes! Evidence. I have evidence!"

"Then show it to us."

Brannew adjusted his shades again, trying to regain his cool. "Multiple eyewitnesses have reported seeing a mysterious man wearing a panda mask hanging around dangerous pirates as well as marine forces all over the world." someone tittered. "These men have even been reported to have been spotted in different locations at the same time. Whenever something important is happening, a Pandaman has been sighted. These reports have been piling up for almost a decade, and it is only now that someone is taking them seriously that the truth can be unvailed!"

"I think he's lost it."

"Quit wasting our time!"

"Is this a joke?"

"THE PANDAMAN IS NO JOKE!"

Brannew was, by now, remarkably red in the face and breathing hard. He was well aware that he was digging a hole, but, well, he'd never been a quitter. He hadn't made Commander with that attitude! He cleared his throat to continue.

"It is my firm belief that the Revolutionary Army has in their possession, a devil fruit user with the ability to appear anywhere in the world in order to gather information- "

"In the form of a panda?" asked Aokiji, raising an eyebrow.

"Commander Brannew," snarled Sengoku, irritation lacing his tone, "I am putting you on temporary leave, effective immediately. Think of it as a vacation. I am relieving you of your duties until you regain your sanity. Now, unless there is anything else, we should continue with the meeting. Dismissed."

The Commander clamped his mouth shut and stiffly saluted, still silently fuming.

"Yes sir", he said with the most dignity he could muster. He could still hear some stifled giggles as he turned to leave. He gritted his teeth.

"I'll show them," he thought as he marched out of the room, "I'll catch that Panda if it's the last thing I do." The heavy doors slammed shut behind him. "Some promotion this is..."

Meanwhile in the conference room, toward the back sat a man wearing a panda mask, smirking. No one noticed.

* * *

The Human Auction House was... destroyed. That was really the only word for it. Bodies strewn everywhere, ceiling crumbling down, walls smashed, slaves released and Tenryubito unconscious and bloodied. Kidd had to admit, Straw hat had lived up to the rumours; he was completely insane.

And now living legends were also making an appearance. None other than "Dark King" Rayleigh was standing before them. It was somewhat of a pleasant surprise. When he'd knocked out the guards, Kidd felt a sense of satisfaction, being one of the few unfazed by the blast of haki. Anything less would be unbecoming of a pirate captain worth 315,000,000 beli after all. Nor was he surprised to see the Straw Hat and Heart pirates unaffected. He needed a little competition to make it fun. His lips morphed into a sinister smile.

As the old man checked on the injured fishman and spoke to Straw hat, Kidd glanced about the room. He couldn't shake the feeling that they were still being watched.

"You sense it too, Mr Eustass?" said Law smoothly, a smirk still tugging at his lips.

Kidd grunted and ignored him, the bastard. The Surgeon of Death got under his skin, he was damn creepy. Of course, he would never admit this.

Kidd's eyes caught movement in the shadows. "There", he said, stalking forward. With a sharp tilt of his chin, his crew followed him. Unfortunately, so did the Heart pirates. Law even had the audacity to join him at the head of the group.

"Oi!" he barked as the pack approached. The figure shifted and tensed. It made to run, but was caught ruffly by the collar by Killer who expertly swung him round to face his captain, blade at his neck.

"What the hell?" growled Kidd.

"How interesting..."

Standing before them was a man. Just a man. He was dressed in a guard's uniform, and was currently producing enough sweat to keep a fish alive. Completely normal. Except for the panda mask covering the whole of his head.

He blinked at them.

"Hello." he said with a wave.

"You're too casual!" shouted one of the heart pirates, wearing a penguin hat.

"Alright, who the hell are you?", Law drawled, clinking his nodachi against his shoulder.

"Urr, I'm... well, I don't..."

"Spit it out ya stupid bear".

"Hey! Bears aren't stupid! We're just a little slow..."

"Oi Bepo. That wasn't even aimed at you." Penguin said.

"I'm sorry..."

"Don't apologise!"

"Shut up!" Kidd snapped. Honestly, he was surrounded by idiots. "Answer the damn question."

"...Call me Bob."

"Bob?" What an obviously fake name. "So what exactly are you doing here 'Bob'?"

"Umm," he was sweating even more now, "I'm here... too... umm... ask for you autograph!"

"LIKE HELL YOU ARE!"

Kidd was losing his patience. Who was this guy, and why was he wearing that ridiculous mask? In frustration Kidd made a grab for him. The masked man ducked out of Killer's hold with speed no one would have thought him capable of.

"Wha -" Kidd's hand had only made contact with an ear, but it was warm and furry, almost real...

He began to run away, tripping over debris in his haste.

Law stepped forward. "Room..." a blue dome appeared surrounding himself and the fleeing man. Suddenly the man froze and was yanked back around by an invisible force, until he was levitating in front of the group once again.

"Now, you're going to tell us who you really are, or things will soon become a lot less civil." Law gave a malicious smirk as his hat shadowed his dark eyes.

For a moment no one moved. Then the man broke into a manic grin, his mask - it was a mask, right? - morphing with his face.

"Who am I? I'm the Pandaman!"

The Pandaman's head began to turn, slowly at first, but then whipping round at a blurring speed, spinning three hundred and sixty degrees. His head snapped back into position facing Law, but the panda mask was gone. Only the face of a very confused and terrified guard remained.

The Supernovas and their crews gawked at him.

"Hey! What're you guys doing?" called Luffy from across the room.

"What the hell was that!" exclaimed Kidd.

* * *

Above the assembled pirates, unnoticed on the wall a surveillance den-den mushi peered at the group. It's eyes were flashing, having recorded the entire encounter.

Elsewhere on the Grand Line, Commander Brannew slouched at a cluttered desk in his underwear. He was alone in a small, dark room surrounded by a landfill of crisp packets and empty bottles of alcohol, grinning victoriously at a monitor.

Gradually he began to laugh.

"Got you".

* * *

Heavy footsteps echoed down the busy stone corridor, somehow managing to be clearly heard above the bustle of workers and soldiers going about their business. These foreboding foot falls were accompanied by the softer, more elegance click of heeled shoes. The flow of workers parted for the pair as they made their way, one slightly behind the other, toward their destination.

Curious and respect filled eyes followed their enigmatic leader and his guest, a legend in herself, as they passed.

"It was very very generous of you to give me a personal tour, Dragon-san," said Nico Robin casualty.

"It would be rude of me to abandon a guest so soon after they have arrived." he replied, not turning back, continuing to stalk down the hallway.

After a few minutes, Dragon cleared his throat. "What I am about to show you is not usually shown to visitors, but I have business with a certain individual and he may also have some news regarding your crew."

He stopped abruptly outside a plain looking wooden door. He twisted the handle upwards and a panel slid open in the centre of the wood. Dragon leaned in and blew, with more force than was natural, onto the sleek, black rectangle. After a moment, it beeped and the door unlocked with a long, complex series of clicks.

"Breath sensor technology" commented Dragon, turning to Robin, "You have to eat a specific food before entering this room. This food acts as your password when you breath into the sensor. One of the most secure security locks in the world... mainly because no one takes it seriously", he said with a gloomy expression. "Can't imagine why."

Robin chuckled. She wondered idly if Dragon's password had been a type of meat? The man was certainly Luffy's father. The Monkey family traits were there, just a little less obvious than the other known members of the family.

"When you see him," Dragon continued, "please do not be alarmed. He is one of my most trusted subordinates, no matter how... bazzar his appearance."

"I wouldn't worry, I'm sure I've seen stranger. We have sailed the Grand Line after all."

Dragon swung the door open and marched inside. When they were both a few paces into the new corridor, the door slammed shut behind them.

At the end of this hallway, was a dead end. The dirty stone was smooth and cold, revealing no obvious secret passageways or hidden entrances. Robin raised an eyebrow but said nothing. Dragon, with lazy, rehearsed motions felt along to the edge of the wall, where he dove his hand in. The wall billowed open like a curtain. Dragon pulled the material aside for Nico Robin to step through into the room beyond. Dragon made no comment this time, but motioned for his guest to proceed.

This new space was large and dim, lit only by the flashing back wall, dominated by thousands of monitors, stacked against each other, blinking like an oversized chess board. In the middle of the screens was one larger than the others. It displayed images of the Eleven Supernovas, accompanied by surveillance shots of them and their crews. Robin spotted an image of Zoro and and Sanji arguing. The photograph made her nostalgic, but she knew she would be seeing them all again soon. There were no recent pictures of the strawhats, but plenty of the other Supernovas, who appeared, from what she could tell, to be rapidly on the move to New World.

A huge, comfortable, chair hung from chords from the ceiling so that it appeared to hover in front of the monitor wall. It was an island in the middle of a an ocean of empty fast food packets, cookies and plant shoots. The faint sound of snoring could be heard coming from the chair as it gently swung from side to side.

Dragon cleared his throat. No movement. He sigh. "Excuse me for a moment." The leader of the Revolutionary Army stalked up to the chair, stood there for a moment and cleared his throat again, louder this time. The sound echoed around the room. Still no movement. Dragon was starting to get ticked off.

"Boba! Wake up!"

"Gyyeee!" a strangled squeal could be heard from the chair. "Boss! Why'd you have to scare me like that, man!? Do you even know what time it is?"

"Boba, now that you're awake, we have a guest." said an exasperated Dragon. Roughly, he grabbed the top of the chair and spun it around to face Robin.

They looked at each other. Blink.

Lounging in the suspended, orange chair was a panda. A huge, chubby, black and white, fuzzy, adorably panda, wearing an abrasive hawaiian shirt with a large drool mark under the collar. The panda's brown eyes widened.

"How peculiar," mussed Robin.

"Umm... Hi!" he said brightly.

"This is Boba, he's the head of our intelligence division. He was one of the escapees from one of Vegapunk's "failed" experiments. You see, eleven years ago, Doctor Vegapunk embarked on experiments to combine a human mind with the physical form of a bear, since bears are remarkably strong and intelligent creatures, if a little slow."

"Hey!" Boba objected, crossing his arms. Dragon ignored him.

"However, when he gave them sentiency, the adult bears could not handle the sudden burst of consciousness and died within days. The cubs fared significantly better, but for some unknown reason -"

" - I know the reason, we were just too cute! Old guy's not as heartless as they say he is ya know -"

Robin giggled.

" - for some unknown reason, Vegapunk decided to let the cubs go free into the world and declare the experiment a failure. You see them around from time to time.

"When I found Boba he was alone, drifting of the edge of the calm belt. He showed obvious signs of intelligence so we took him in. Boba has been a valued member of our team ever since."

"Aw, I'm your friend really. Go on, just say it. You know you love me~" The panda sang, grinning in a way Robin was unaware Pandas were capable of. Dragon just sigh, but Robin saw that he was fighting a smile.

"Shortly after we met him, Boba ate the Masuku masuku no mi. He can temporarily take over a person anywhere in the world and relay intel to us without even leaving this room. Of course, although it is an incredibly useful ability, the power does have its drawbacks."

"Yeah, like whoever I take over has a panda head! It looks kinda weird and we thought that people would notice, but usually they just ignore me. Also, I can only take over people who are weak and unsuspecting, so if someone is prepared or strong - no chance! Ooo, and my Amazing Battle Mask can only take someone over for five minutes... But its still pretty cool! Its like controlling a video game character or a puppet or something."

"This is all very fascinating, but I must ask why you are telling me all this?", Robin asked politely. She was curious about these people, but she did not fully trust them.

"While you are staying here, I would like you to assist Boba with his surveillance, given your various abilities. That is, when you are not busy with other things, of course" Robin regarded him. She knew that while she was here as a guest she would have to pull her weight, and this added responsibility would no doubt be just as educational and important as her main objective. She looked over at Boba who was nervously chewing (and eating) a pencil.

After a moment, she smiled warmly, "Pleased to meet you Boba-san".

"Likewise!" Boba relaxed immediately, suddenly full of energy, "I suppose you want to know where the rest of your crew are, right? I'll just pull the data up and let ya have a look,", Boba spun his chair back around and started tapping on a keyboard. After a moment he called Robin over to look at the central screen.

As she was glancing over the whereabouts of her friends (while keeping an eye or two on present company, naturally), Dragon dug into his cloak and pulled out a scrap of paper.

"Boba, would you care to explain this?", Boba's jaw dropped as he stared at the bounty poster, "Or should I say, Pandaman?".

DEAD OR ALIVE

PANDAMAN

3,333,333

Silence.

"WHY IS IT SO LOW!?"

"Idiot! How did you manage to get a bounty? I told you to stick with crowds where you were less likely to be noticed. You know I want to avoid government attention unless absolutely unavoidable. Now, what did you do?"

"Well, there was this one time... well, two."

"Just tell me, I'll see what can be done", suddenly Dragon sounded very tired.

"There was this marine guy, and he had loads of reports and stuff on me, tried to get me a bounty, but everyone just thought he was crazy. I thought that was the end of it. Oh, and some of the Supernovas saw me a while back, at the human shop? They took me by surprise - sorry, sorry! I know, I know - and before I left I said "I AM THE PANDAMAN!" I thought it was pretty cool..."

"You were probably being watched on Sabaody." He sigh, he picked up a bag of cookie from a desk below the screens, and absently started munching on them. "But if they're not taking you seriously now, intercepting the posters would just draw attention to you. Lets just hope people think its a joke..."

"But I'm no joke! I'm -"

"Yes. You're the Pandaman now. And you messed up."

"...I'm in trouble aren't I?"

Dragon sigh. He dumped the now empty cookie bag on the floor, with the rest. "Yes. I have not yet decided on your punishment, but when I do I shall let you know. Maybe I'll get you to clean up this damn room." Boba flinched. "Miss Robin, if you have finished we should move on with the tour."

Robin stood, satisfied with what she had learnt, and turned to follow Dragon out of the room.

"Oh, and Dragon! You might want to reign Sabo in. He's taking things too far! Again..."

"That kid..." Dragon growled, but this time a small smile was clearly visible, "Thank you Boba."

"Thank you, Boba-san." Robin said with a graceful wave.

The pair left the Intelligence Division. Boba slumped in his chair. Alone again, with the world on his wall. He would go out again, just as soon as something looked interesting enough.

He glared down at his newly acquired bounty poster.

"3,333,333 beli." he grumbled, "I'm the Pandaman, not some stupid joke..."


End file.
